If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
