If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
