the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
