Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
