i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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