i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
