There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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