There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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