I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
