so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
