did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
