PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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