epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
