So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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