She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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