My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
