Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
