best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
