Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
