He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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