i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
