I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
