I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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