you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
