Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
