My first STD was from a foam party
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
