i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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