I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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