just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
