Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
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she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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