decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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