I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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