I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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