so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
