so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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