Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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