just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
