you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize