i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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