I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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