You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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