I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
