nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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