isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
