you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
