I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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