she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
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well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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