I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
