There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
