she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
