i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
