did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
