What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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