Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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