by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
