totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
