38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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