Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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