Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Vodka?
Forever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
