It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
