you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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