This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
