she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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