Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
